Perspective & Understanding

Everyone starts somewhere.
Hubby Joe & I had our very first encounter with feral cats back in the early 2000's when I was working at my very first animal related job. Even though I worked at an animal shelter that had an animal clinic and performed spay/neuter surgeries, we never dealt with or even talked about feral cats or TNR.
One day, while Hubby Joe was out jogging, a kitten limped out from behind a bush in the parking lot of a hotel about 1/2 a mile from our apartment. He was holding up one leg and holding closed one eye. Hubby Joe felt sorry for him and told me to meet him there after work with some cat food for the poor little guy.
When we got there that evening the limpy kitten was still there, and he had a friend. We came back to feed them the next night and found 4 kittens. The next night the kittens were there and a couple adult cats. Over the next weeks and months we found ourselves feeding a group of between 15 and 20 cats and a group of raccoons that peacefully ate alongside them every night. The limpy kitten that originally attracted our attention disappeared within the first week. To this day we joke that he was a paid lure that traveled from colony to colony faking a limp and holding one eye closed to trick soft-hearted individuals into giving them cat food.
Here's the thing... we didn't spay or neuter anyone. And I told you I worked at an animal shelter, right? I told them about our little adventure. NO ONE told us about TNR or recommended spay/neuter for these cats.
Early on, there was the occasional tiny kitten that I would hand catch with the hopes of adopting him or her out through the shelter. After one of them turned out to be an asymptomatic carrier of ringworm and then infected 2 of my shelter fosters who were then euthanized because the shelter didn't treat ringworm (a guilt that burns a hole in my heart to this very day), I stopped taking kittens from our feral colony.
My point is this:
I DON'T FEEL BAD that we didn't TNR those cats because WE DIDN'T KNOW BETTER.
Try to remember when speaking to someone that THIS may be their FIRST exposure to information about feral cats and TNR.
I trapped some cats this week for a really nice couple. The cats were fixed on Friday and I was planning to drive the cats back to their neighborhood Saturday afternoon. I must not have been clear about my plan and the couple was pretty distraught about the cats being back outside 24 hours after surgery. It was actually causing an argument between THEM. Normally we don't board cats. Especially not over the weekend when the clinic is closed. Part of me thought I should just drive them back anyway. But then I thought I should take my own advice & extend some understanding. This is the first time these people have ever been involved in TNR. I called the couple back and said, "I don't want you to be upset. I do this all the time and I know the cats will be okay, but I also know that you don't do this all the time and that means that this seems very extreme to you. I'm going to make arrangements to keep the cats until Monday." In this case, I really think that the trust and understanding built in this relationship will outweigh any additional effort put in by caring for the cats an extra day and a half. Also, this first TNR experience can effect how they view our efforts and their willingness to help in the future. Is it worth being a hard ass?
Some of us have been doing this for a long time. It's "easy" and "normal" to us. We forget that for "regular" people, it's not "easy" or "normal."
Try to  remember where you started.
Try to remember the time BEFORE you were the "expert" or the "resource."
I know that animal people are typically not the best at being people people, but it's important to keep our people skills sharp.... people are our connection to the animals. If we can't get through to the people, it makes helping the animals much more difficult.